In the End
by Cyny
Summary: It's funny how the end seems like it will never come until you crash headfirst into it. On his last morning at Hogwarts, James struggles with the idea of change. Reaching the end of something wonderful is never easy...but is the end always what it seems


Dedicated with all my love to Adele, Amerz, and Elliza.  You are great writers, and more importantly the best friends in recorded history… and probably unrecorded history too.  You are my sisters.  You are pieces of me.  I will always remember you, your constant and unwavering strength, friendship, and joy.  But hopefully I will not have to survive on memories alone; I never plan to let you walk out of my life.  Not without a fight.  Thank you for being my Sirius, Remus, and Peter now and forever.

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_It's funny_, James thought, _that the things you desire never turn out to be what you really want._          

He picked up a stone from the pile beside him and half-heartedly skipped it across the surface of the lake.  To his left, the sun was beginning to rise; the horizon had changed from deep twilight to a dull pink color during the time he'd been sitting alone.  In the distance where once there had been nothing, he could make out the outline of the castle, his home for nearly a decade.

Hogwarts was never really supposed to end.  James felt cheated, like somehow seven years hadn't actually elapsed.  In fact, it couldn't have been more than three since he last stood on this platform, a terrified and excited eleven-year-old clambering to find a boat.

Absently his hand stroked a rough plank, and he wondered if perhaps it would be appropriate for the seventh years to go back across the lake instead of using carriages.  To make their last departure identical to their first arrival.

James strained to even remember the three other students in his year who had shared his boat.  He was fairly sure that he remembered them each sorting into a different house, but his mind had been too full of magic and dreams to accomplish any proper memory storage.  But now it seemed that the memories alone remained.  From that first day and every other day to this very morning, leaving Hogwarts had been an impossible idea.  Something that would never actually happen... until it did.

Even as James told himself again, _today I'm leaving Hogwarts, _it didn't feel real.  Of course he wasn't leaving, he was right here by the lake.  And even if he were going on holiday, he'd be back next year.

"I won't be coming back," he somberly told the smooth stone in his palm as he tossed it into the water.

James wondered if the train would possibly leave without him.  He could run off to live with the centaurs in the forest.  Even better, he would stay on with Hagrid, being Junior Assistant Groundskeeper, or something of the sort.  Or the best idea yet, he could destroy his records of ever taking NEWTs so he'd have to repeat seventh year.

He suddenly stopped and, realizing how foolish these thoughts were, almost laughed out loud at himself.  He would take the train.  It was the right thing to do and really his only option, but more importantly, it was what Dumbledore had been trying to teach them for seven years, culminating in last night's farewell.

_Not all change is good, but you should not fear change merely because it is uncertain.  As you have grown, so has Voldemort.  Many changes are surely in store for all of us – both good and bad.  Don't give in to fear, and don't lose hope.  My greatest desire is that you will all face each day the best you know how – be that with the badger's determination, the serpent's ingenuity, the eagle's wisdom, or the courage of the lion.  May the magic that surrounds us here protect you wherever you are._

The quiet words of the headmaster calmed James as they played in his head.  He was right, of course.  James would board the train and put on a happy face about it because that's who he was.  And even if it weren't a trait, his friends would find him, hex him, and take him anyway.

Right on cue, he heard the faint sounds of voices and movement in the trees.  Even without the aid of their map, one Marauder could always find another.  They were "similarly unique," as Remus had once so perspicaciously put it.  Each was an individual, totally different from the others.  Yet, there was something very much the same about them that had brought and held them together since that very first night.  

There was Sirius with his devilishly charming smile, sharp wit, dry humor, and fun-seeking nature.  Combative in a mostly amusing way, he could always be counted on to be the first to go for some type of weapon – books, forks, pillows, you name it – and to turn mundane activities like choosing a seat in class into some sort of competition.  Sirius could make anyone laugh, even the teachers, though including fellow seventh year and greasy Slytherin, Sev Snape, in that number was probably stretching it.  He was like a brother to James.  Nothing felt the same when Sirius wasn't with him.

Then there was Remus.  Soft-spoken and studious, he was part of a house where his talents and brilliance were largely underappreciated.  James vividly remembered the time during third year when Snape told Remus he didn't belong in Gryffindor.  Many people agreed, James supposed.  Sickly Remus with his nose always buried in some book didn't appear to fit in with his more action-oriented housemates… to most.  The Marauders alone got to see him as he truly was – thoughtful, clever, and daring with a knack for getting them into and out of mysteries.  The Remus who thought anything and everything was funny, king of the Forbidden Forest, who always _always_ won belching contests, now _there _was a Gryffindor.

And, of course, Peter.  Dependable, caring, and skeptical Peter had stopped them from stumbling headfirst into many a rough situation in the past.  He often had to fight to be heard, but Pete never gave up.  After they'd learned Remus was a werewolf, he'd stayed up night after night while they studied to be Animagi.  And to the surprise of all three of them, he'd done it on the very same night as James and Sirius.  They teased him about being a rat, but there was, underneath the levity, an understanding of real pride.  What Pete lacked in magical ability – which wasn't much anymore - he made up for in friendship.  He loved to surprise them, and he knew how to inspire confidence in each.

The noises had moved much closer during the time James was lost in thought.  He did not have to wait long before he caught his first glimpse.

"I see him.  He's on the dock."

James recognized the voice as Sirius.  Within a minute, his three best friends stood off to the side of him.

With a cocky grin James could see in his peripheral vision, Sirius placed his hands on his hips and chided mockingly, "Young man, _where _have you been?  We've been so distraught.  We searched all over the grounds and Hogsmeade for you."

"Especially in The Three Broomsticks," Peter added cheerfully, "when Sirius got thirsty."

The three of them grinned, but James simply watched, forgetting to enact some type of proper response.

Remus sat next to him following a pregnant pause and asked, "Why the long face, James?"

"Worried," he replied and the other two also elected to have a seat.

"Come on, James," encouraged Sirius with a smile, "what have _you_ got to be worried about?  Your life is smooth sailing from here on out.  I mean, you've got several Quidditch teams falling all over themselves to sign you as a Chaser."

"Yeah," Remus continued, "and you get top marks in all your classes.  You could work in the Ministry or overseas or here or anywhere."

"Plus you've got the girl of your dreams."

Sirius jokingly slapped James on the shoulder.  "Petey's right!  What's more, she even likes you back of all things.  Soon you'll be living in a cute little house in a place called 'Gryffindor Glen' or something; little James Junior – we'll call him JJ – will be running around looking exactly like you and playing Quidditch for England by the age of seven.  People will refer to you as 'the famous Potters: the people who have it all.'"

"Oh, and don't worry.  When then time comes, I'll remind you not to name your son after yourself," Remus supplied before dodging an assault by Sirius.

"And even without all that stuff, you'd still have us," reminded Peter.

"That's just it though," James stated miserably.  "It's not all about me."

"Oh, what's this?  His highness has immense pity for the lowly minions."

"Shh-shh, Sirius.  Let him explain," prompted Remus.

"I'm worried because everything is about to change.  While I really took what Dumbledore said last night to heart, I would rather die than have our friendship destroyed."

"By You-Know-Who?" Peter wondered, eyes wide.

"Not so much.  He could probably easily destroy our lives, but I doubt he'll target our friendship.  It's more just this leaving business.  No matter how hard I try to think of the positives of leaving Hogwarts – no more lectures with Binns, icy mornings in the greenhouses or the dungeons, Quidditch in the rain, endless studying, intense stress – I can never make it worth it.  I would endure my worst day ever here eternally if it meant having you with me through it all."

Sirius frowned, an expression that looked foreign on his face.  "James, don't trouble yourself over that.  It won't happen to us."

"It may happen without our consent.  Look into our futures.  You want to be off on some European trip finding something to write books about and make a fortune while causing as much trouble as possible.  Remus... Remus could be anything, do anything, but he'll probably be overworked and underpaid in jobs he hates for most of his life because he happens to be a werewolf.  And Pete's been bullied into 'Pettigrew's Pets: Magical Companions Since 1234' where I'm sure at least half the inventory would find him a very tasty Animagus.  For seven years we've eaten together, lived together, studied, worked, and served detentions _together_.  We're about to lose that basic element of our friendship.  It'll take more than we've got to connect us outside the castle walls."

Peter spoke up.  "The Marauders never give in, James.  Not even when the whole world stands against them."

"Statute number eight, Marauder's Handbook," Sirius mentioned lightly and was thanked with a small smile from Remus.

"Don't you see?" James questioned sadly.  "The Marauders don't exist anymore."  He tried to ignore the shock and hurt on his friends' faces as he continued.  "The Marauders were not so much four as they were one.  Alone, I was James.  When I was with you, I was a Marauder.  Just a part that came to form the whole.  The Marauders were boys who dreamed of magic adventures in a place that was full of them.  When we step on the train today, we lose our ability to remain a whole and we lose the place that made it happen."

Sirius jumped up and stared his friend in the eye so intensely that it made James squirm and look away.  "Are you listening to me?  You sure better be, because this is important.  The Marauders do _not_ end, ever.  We may just be pieces, but the whole is never broken, especially by such a little thing as being away from each other.  We are as much Marauders sitting here on this platform as we will be two or five or nine years from now when you're winning a Quidditch match, Pete's changing litter boxes, Remus is howling at the moon, and I'm scribbling a manuscript over a campfire with only the companionship of a big blond bloke named Sven.  Just because school ends doesn't mean that everything associated with it will end too.  You're not going to lose your magic knowledge, your memories, and most certainly not your friends.  Because I tell you what, I will never stop considering myself a friend to you, Remus, and Peter.  When you get married, I'll be there.  When your children are born, I'll be there.  When something goes really wrong, I'll be there.  When something goes really right-"

"He'll be there," Remus and Peter finished.

"Yeah."  And with that one word, the fight left him.  His shoulders sagged, and he looked helplessly down at his friends.

"Even if you said you didn't want to be a Marauder anymore, we'd still be there," Peter shared.

Remus noted, "That's what friends are for."

A long pause ensued.  In the silence, Sirius held out a hand to James.  "What do you think?  Can we still be friends?"

"Forever."  He smiled as he accepted the gesture and stood, wrapping an arm around Sirius and the other around Peter as they each enclosed the circle with Remus. 

They stood like this for quite some time, communication not taking the form of words until James finally said, "Seven years.  I can't believe they're over."

Peter grinned.  "Good times."

They all laughed; then Sirius said, "Let's hurry back and get some breakfast so we won't all starve on the train."         

James sent them ahead, promising to catch up after a last look around.  As he prepared to make good on his word, he turned and for a minute saw himself as he had been, a new first year.

The little boy blinked and smiled at him.

"Hang onto your friends," James told him.  "Cherish every day you spend with them, because when you reach today you'll realize they're they best thing that ever happened to you just in time to say goodbye and let them go.  But not forever, I hope."

He walked away, a thought forming in his mind as he hurried to catch Peter, Remus, and Sirius.__

_The end is nothing more than a cleverly disguised beginning._

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Review and reviews shall be added unto you –Carlyn


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